full time single father, part time internet addiction.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Being a Parent

It means trying to go out to eat with your beautiful wife but having to return home abruptly because the baby won't quite screaming for the babysitter. Inside you aren't angry or upset you have to come back 20 minutes after leaving but putting yourself in his shoes knowing he is scared being without the only two people he really knows and wishing you could get home any faster to console him. Its about never sleeping in but waking up earlier than work requires to feed two little people who act as if they haven't ate in weeks but being excited to watch them open presents, build a snowman, or ride their bike later in the day. Its about having to sell your DVD collection of shows you grew up with so they can have a place to grow up in. Not getting mad when someone screams and screams at me not letting me do anything but knowing that his screaming is how he talks. How he tells me what he needs. Not what he wants, not being manipulative or bad, but needing something vital. Knowing that sometimes you can't watch Family Guy because sometimes little ears like to repeat what they hear but having excitement when you pick them out new fun cartoons. Sometimes you wanna go out and see friends but know it takes a special person to take all three on alone. But in those few seconds when the baby has his first laugh you are glad you didn't miss it for anything in the world. Sometimes you have to prepare someones food, listen to them pretend to hate it, wipe it off their faces and pick it off the floor before you ever get to even smell yours. You are just glad they ate it. Sometimes its about changing your favorite shirt because it has vomit all over it but getting a huge kick out of dressing them. Its about seeing them grow, seeing them change and learn so quickly at such a young age you are amazed and wanna show them off.

Knowing you made the decision to become a parent and have to do it fully. Its not about you anymore. Its not about drinking, late nights, dancing, eating out, parties or movies its about them. Knowing they need to be loved and cared for knowing they aren't here so I can keep doing what I want to. Knowing they aren't born with baby sitters. Knowing they were inside someone for 9 months having someone else's voice talk to them for 9 months that maybe it will take another 9 months before they understand they are their own person and that voice is one of many in the world. Maybe it takes another 9 months for them to be ready to be away from these people they knew as their own.

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